Pen Pals

When I was a little girl, I had a pen pal.  She lived across the country from me, in California.  She had two parents, she was a twin, and had a younger sister.  I thought she had a perfect life.

I don't remember how we became pen pals but I loved getting those envelopes from San Jose, California.  What could I writer her in return?  Only the basics.

I couldn't tell her how my life was not the same.  I didn't want to lie.  I kept it simple.

When I left my mother's home to go into foster care, I told her that we moved.  You can not write, hey my mother is losing it and I can't stand living with her and the authorities agreed so now I am living in a foster home and when that didn't work out I moved into a group home.

The envelopes still came.  Filled with whatever activity my cousin Dawn was involved with.  These weren't lengthy letters but they filled me with hope.  Hope that she was happy and safe.  It was like writing to someone living in Narnia.

One day I got a letter from her.  Her parents , my aunt and uncle, were coming to New York, and they would love to see me and my mom.  WHAT THE HELL WAS I GOING TO DO NOW?

I wrote back that of course I would love to see them.  I waited until they got off the subway and told them there were a few things I needed to tell them before we went to were I was living.  I was 14 years old.  We went to a nearby McDonald's.  I then told my aunt and uncle everything that led up to me living in the group home in Far Rockaway.

I took them to where I was living.  Introduced them to my house-mates and counselors.  They had a meeting with my therapist and the head of the group home.  They took pictures and even recorded me singing and playing the guitar.

My Aunt Carol and Uncle Paul invited me to visit them in San Jose, California.  If at the end of the visit everything went well, they said I could live with them.

My family from my father's side was always held at bay by my mother.  Not because she didn't like them but because they were connected to my father.  It never occurred to her to contact them instead of signing me over to the state of New York and leaving me there while she moved to Los Angeles.  She had issues, major ones.

I did move to San Jose.  I did live with my cousins.  The kindness of them will never leave my heart.

I wish I had those letters from my cousin Dawn.

Each one of my cousins played a part in my life that was deeper than a normal cousin role.  I am blessed beyond belief for them.  I don't say it enough but I think it every day.

I am lucky to have Dawn and Donna as my cousins, or my 'cisters" as Donna and I call it.