Hello it's me

I will know when I am with that special someone when almost everything we have to say to one another is clear.  No pretense, no hiding, or hidden agendas.  I have spent a lot of time getting to know who and what I am, and I am thinking he has been doing the same.


For too long I have been telling myself what is not right about me and lately I've been trying to turn that self loathing talk around.  You see, it's not that I am negative by nature....in fact it's very much the opposite.  I have the ability to naturally get so high from some concept or love that I can remember what it felt like to float and soar on those clouds that I seeded with my happiness.  Anything less pales in comparison.


I want you to know how much I believe not only in my ability to partner someone but that I have waited for it to be special.......not perfect.....but unique to the resonance of my being as well as yours.  I've been waiting to make you laugh and to fill your life with special moments. 


I used to think that all I had to do was grow up and I would meet that special someone and live happily ever after.  I attempted a few times to make the most out of barely anything.....all the while convincing myself that this in fact would work.  Well, it didn't and that's ok.


All that I am is a gathering of those steps....all those days of putting one foot in front of the other and sometimes falling hard........sometimes staying down, convinced that I could not possibly start over yet one more time.  I am ready to shine for me as well as for you.  I've been waiting for a true soul, friend, lover, companion, confidante to appear so that I could finally show you and myself that I know better now.  


I told myself that I would no longer accept excuses for someone that wasn't all that interested in me just so that I wouldn't be alone.  How many nights alone did I spend, telling myself that at least this was peaceful.  Well I am full of peace now....and this is what I have to offer.......


An open and willing heart.....a natural curiousity about  myself and the world around me....the ability to respond to your  needs as well as my own....let's not forget my communication skills.....my love and passion for music.....cooking...books.....growing plants....fostering hope in those that are in trouble .......kindness....trust.....and romance......time for you and whatever the future holds......


No matter what fear I may ever feel about anything, please know that in most cases I've forged ahead into the abyss.  What I know I will gladly share and what I don't I will always try to listen.  For the first time in a long time I hear someone that makes sense to me and that is so very exciting to me.  


I didn't mind being alone for the longest time but now I want to share......I don't feel the need to be cautious, to wait, to prepare.....hell I've been getting this ready for quite a long time now.  I wanted a better partner than I knew existed and so I tried to grow into a better person....someone that my future love could depend on and have a deep meaningful existence with.  Is it too soon to state any of this?  I don't think so, cause you hear my heart already and know when I'm grinning like the Cheshire Cat.  


For so long I thought my light was barely there.....that nothing much mattered...I told myself the most unbelievable lies so that I wouldn't hurt so very deeply.  So I'm going to see what this is all about.......take a chance.....throw my light around.....I think you get the message and I may be stating the obvious but I get the feeling that's alright with you too.