Why do I know all the words and what am I to do with it?

Libra Horoscope for week of November 5, 2009




At a yard sale today, I paid a dollar for a stained, pocket-sized horoscope book with many of its pages missing. The reason I made such an odd investment is that it had a forecast for Libra for the first part of November 2009, and this forecast struck me as even more useful than the horoscope I had composed for you. As a public service, I'm providing it here. "The graceful dragonfly lives for just a few months. But a sequoia tree's time on earth can last 2,000 years. In the same way, some bonds, some creations, some worlds, endure for a mere blink in eternity, while others are destined to outfox the ravages of time. What will be the lifespan of the dream you recently hatched, Libra? It is time to decide and take action."
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"If you bring forth the genius within you," said Jesus in the Gnostic Gospel of Thomas, "it will free you. If you do not bring forth the genius within you, it will destroy you." Is there any aspect of the genius within you that you're not bringing forth? If so, what can you do to change that?

Dreams are something that for some of us, keep returning.  I can remember watching television in my mother's apartment.  Alone with just the t.v. for company I would read the credits aloud.  I would hear the timber and importance of my young voice.  I was doing what came naturally.  No one knew I did this, there was no one paying attention or wondering what I was doing or why. 

When I look back I can see clearly why I was able to develop the unique talent I have for remembering music.  Aside from the music my mother would play manically.......wringing out every possible drop from the vinyl, I would immediately take in the song, the lyrics.  It was like breathing.  The music just kept coming.  Even though I had never been in love, or been broken hearted yet I understood what they were singing about.  Growing up in the 70s gave me a solid ear for a lyric and a story.

I have been through many things, people, situations and a few things stay connected through it all.  Music is the first one.  I could and did sing out loud every chance I got.  I would pitch my voice to the ones I heard.  I would imitate, I would emulate, I would hear and I would receive the message.  To say that music took me elsewhere is an understatement.

Music was my church, my muse, my salvation.  Whether it was Sly and the Family Stone, or Firefall, Led Zeppeling or Bowie.......I listened.  Yes i can name that song in three notes....they're ingrained on my soul.

Music on the radio has changed since FM of the 70s.  The stations that once were highlighting all sorts of music got bought up and put out of business.  Someone sanitized the airwaves.  Someone  decided somewhere what five songs we would have to hear over and over for eternity and which songs would be relegated to the garage in dust filled boxes with only spiders for company.

I was lucky enough to listen to radio when masters and mistresses weaved connections between bands and artists, always pushing the envelope, expanding, spinning, winding my mind to yet another place.  And now?  We have people that have never heard the symphonic blends of YES or Emerson, Lake, and Palmer.....ones that don't know the genius of Zappa, children that only know about the Beatles because of a game.

Out of context now it is played out.  The masses of people with either no memory or no musical taste grab the musical crumbs that continue to be thrown their way.  Free Bird is always being played somewhere in the world, it's been mandated.

Underneath my yearning for the airwaves and doing what comes so naturally of course is the fear.  Fear of failure and of course fear of success.  In the scope of the world my musical knowledge means what to whom?  My ability to string together a sentance much less a bunch of songs is talent in whose mind?  Not the corporation, not the executives, not the people so used to the monotony of eternity being played out on the radio.

I grow weary of seeing beneath the surface only to continue to tread water in so many areas of my life, wisdom without comfort, fear without security.  Why do I continue to see the world through a place that is so different from others that I feel isolated and outside of it.  Is there a plan?  All those years ago now, speaking out, getting in trouble, singing out, expressing myself....who knew it would go no where and sit stagnant. 

Somewhere in my future is a cubicle with bad lighting and a designated break.  And the band played on............